the day i left

I left my country ten years ago. With two loaded suitcases, a backpack on his shoulder, a lot of fear and little maturity. I left without giving it much thought, without giving the matter so much thought, without paying much attention to what they would say or what I would expect. I left deeply in love, pursuing that story of princes and princesses, where a D’Artagnan would defend me with his sword and protect me with his shield. I left without even knowing what would await me on the other side of the hemisphere, I went to a country far, far away.

I remember the emotion, anxiety and joy for what was to come, also sadness for everything that was left behind. But she was sure of that decision. It was experiencing another life, sharing it with someone else, collecting anecdotes, going through new doors, sitting at other tables, breathing new air, surprising myself with different landscapes, growing up and facing situations that were not planned. Far from my comfort zone, far from my safety net. How hard it was, what a strong feeling. Moments that I have so well identified. Today I analyze them in perspective and see how much I have matured.

I was at a very confusing time in my life. Complex. Hard. Dealing with family situations that I didn’t look for, trying to figure out the life of a newlywed in her twenties, dealing with emotional ups and downs and trying to understand what adult life was all about. A lot of fear, a lot of uncertainty and an infinity of changes that all came very quickly, without giving me time to digest, to breathe, to take a breath to continue. I was already at the dance, we had to dance.

I got on that plane one autumn night, and when that giant thing with two wings and more than a hundred souls finally moved, I said deep inside me “Well Jess, now what you longed for has come true. Now there is no going back.” A feeling of fear invaded my soul as that plane took off from the runway. Bruno held me and held me all that time. Always. At all times. I think he was just as nervous as I was, but he was trying his best to hide that he, too, was trembling inside.

Ten years have passed since I left everything behind. I left my whole life to start from scratch, once again. I lost count of the farewells with a lump in my throat, and the welcomes with smiles from ear to ear that there were.

I regret? Not at all, I wouldn’t be who I am. I would not have carved the personality that I have today, I would not have known myself or lived everything I experienced since that night in April 2012, when in the blink of an eye, my life took a 180º turn and the whole world changed.