You already mentioned it Shakira In an interview, when asked about how he lives the separation of Gerard Piquéand she replied that “the strength to make it true and it is not a facade, it has to be a fortress like the result of living a duelto understand, that there are dreams that are broken and that you have to pick up the little pieces from the ground and rebuild yourself ”.
The marital separations or dissolutions They can be given for different reasons and it is that these range from a mutual agreement between the parties, for violence, incompatibility or the lowest blow that a person can receive: for infidelity and betrayal.
Whatever the reason, a separation or a divorce hurt so much like the loss of a loved one, and to overcome these moments in our lives it is important to heal self-esteem. No one is exempt from going through such events once in a lifetime.
even a 2011 study discovered – through MRI analysis– that the pain caused by the end of a relationship activates the same brain areas than physical pain. It’s not just about pain.
And it is that ending a couple bond often generates a some chaos in life from who experiences it: feeling of loneliness and eventually of failure, obligation to change habits, companies and sometimes even housing, fear of the future, burying all the projects or dreams that were forged in the past, etc.
overcome a Breakup requires grieving, a process that includes reactions such as denial, anger, bargaining, emotional pain, and acceptance. These reactions are not successive, but alternate. On the same day a person can pass from one to another. Therefore, a separation can be a real “emotional roller coaster”,
“A divorce or separation, is a difficult situation for the couple who makes that decision, is a process where the couple has a inner world of emotional whirlwind, a mixture of anger, frustration, hatred, anxiety, a lot of uncertainty about the future. There are times when for some, the separation is the best decision that they could take and they do it together and, in this case, perhaps the process has another sensation, just as there are ruptures that can generate riots, some generate as a liberation”, explained the psychologist Paola Zapata in contact with HOY/Nación Media .
In this regard, he argued that it is important to also take into account the reasons for a divorcesince a divorce is not the same incompatibility of characters, that for infidelity, or if there was violence and mistreatment. In this way, depending on the cause of the breakup, the degree of emotional stress experienced will be.
In these cases it can also present as a duel, since it is the end of a stage and is synonymous with changes and the beginning of a new stage
The The first stage of mourning is denial: Being discouraged and depressed by a separation is normal, since this makes the person feel a little frustrated by the time invested and by the plans that were able to fulfill. He will try to negotiate with the couple so as not to reach a divorce.
Anger is the second stage: where the person feels very angry and angry, where one’s mistakes are overanalyzed, as well as that of the couple. They can lose control and sometimes seek revenge for the pain caused.
The negotiation follows: After the anger and rage, the need to negotiate and be able to restore the marriage so that it does not come to an end, promises of changes, requests for a new opportunity or alternatives to convince the couple that separation is not a good idea.
Then comes the sadness. No one gets engaged or gets married thinking that they are going to get divorced and this generates a mixture of resignation with pain, it is a stage where there is a risk of going into depression.
Then comes acceptance. After the emotional whirlwind that this whole process takes, calm gradually comes to us and with it the acceptance of assimilating reality. This helps to have a new perception of the current situation.
And finally, overcoming. The most anticipated stage and so difficult to reach, but it arrives. It is where we are aware of our new reality. This does not mean that you do not feel pain, but that you will have turned the page and that relationship is definitely in the past and you are learning to live with it without negatively affecting your life.
Indicators of grief and your experience
*Physical: Panic attacks, fatigue, apathy, dry mouth, weakness, crying, insomnia…
*Emotional: Guilt, anxiety, helplessness, anger, sadness, pain, depression, rage, anguish…
*Cognitive: Self-reproach, insecurity, indifference to life, confusion, disappointment…
*Behavioral: Crying, sleep disturbances, looking for an ex-partner, social isolation, demotivation.
The phases of mourning for divorce have their relative orderbut reality can be presented in a different and very different way, this has a lot to do with the emotional intelligence of the individual who passes it, explained the professional.
“The one to experience each stage is necessary to be able to heal emotionally and thus be able to be prepared if he ever decides to redo his love life”, pointed out the psychologist Zapata.
How long does it take to get over a breakup, according to science?
He study prepared by the team of researchers from Binghamton University in New York, in collaboration with University College London, concludes with a series of figures.
In addition, this analysis includes other interesting data, such as the fact that there are Differences between men and women about the pain of the breakup and how long it will take them to get over it.
Leaving heartbreak behind can lead between six months and two years, according to this study scientist.
As expected an exact and generalized figure cannot be thrown, since each individual maintains his own process in a personal way and always subject to all kinds of conditions and circumstances. But, generally speaking, this would be the usual range of what it usually takes to overcome a breakout.
