Every December it returns to our screens the grinchthat green, grumpy character entrenched in his mountain. Watch from afar as the rest of the world is carried away by lights, Christmas carols and collective enthusiasm. It reminds us that Christmas does not awaken the same emotions in all people. And that, beneath the surface of an idealized era that is shown to us as luminous, tensions, discomforts and unkind behaviors also appear.
Although it may be surprising, there is research that has attempted to capture the “Christmas spirit.” A neuroimaging study identified a specific brain activation pattern when people who celebrate these holidays saw Christmas images, compared to those who do not have that tradition. These reactions were linked to pleasant emotions and the feeling of being part of something. This suggests that Christmas can generate different emotional states.
Narcissism and Machiavellianism for dinner
The research on the dark triad (subclinical psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellianism) points out that these traits do not necessarily describe violent people, but rather those who process empathy and social relationships differently.
Subclinical psychopathy is linked to less empathy and what has been called “prosocial apathy” –disinterest in helping when the effort does not pay off–; narcissism, with the search for status; and Machiavellianism, with the instrumental use of others.
Christmas can amplify these differences. While many people experience the Christmas holidays as an impulse to generosity, others perceive them as a social script that they follow more out of obligation than conviction. That does not imply that these people behave badly. Those who present the aforementioned traits can cooperate when the situation offers benefits in terms of image, future reciprocity or access to resources.
Giving to receive social recognition
December has become a public stage with company dinners, family gatherings, donations and gift exchanges. Here narcissistic traits may be especially evident. The admiration and rivalry model distinguishes two forms of narcissism: one that is more expansive, charismatic and oriented toward seeking recognition (admiration) and another that is more defensive, competitive and hostile (rivalry). In a context like Christmas, admiration can encourage generous gestures when there is social recognition, while rivalry can lead to coldness, distance or conflicts at family gatherings.
In some cases, Christmas tensions do not arise from the environment, but from small maneuvers aimed at regaining prominence: dramatizing conflicts, arriving late on purpose, provoking arguments or using silence as a form of punishment.
Affection is not always sought; sometimes impact is sought. This idea fits with work that relates some forms of narcissism to the need to reaffirm one’s own relevance when attention is directed toward others.
Gifts are another of the most revealing elements to understand the psychological side of Christmas. Not everyone expresses the same thing, nor are they born with the same intention. A study on narcissism and gifts in romantic couples showed that people with more narcissistic traits tend to give gifts that serve both to strengthen the relationship and to signal status or power. Subsequent research has observed that admiration is related to a greater tendency to give gifts (especially when these allow a positive image of the person to be reinforced). The rivalryon the other hand, is associated with less willingness to give gifts and with less genuine interest in doing so.
Charity misunderstood
Something similar happens with solidarity donations. A recent investigation about the Dark Tetrad (which adds sadism to the classic triad) showed that people with higher scores in this set of traits tend to prioritize self-interest and value public recognition more than help itself, also in the charitable field.
Additionally, Christmas can intensify family dynamics. In some homes, patterns are amplified in complex ways of relating, such as the need for attention, the susceptibility to feeling excluded or the search for control over others. In these contexts, some people react badly to the joy of others, turning plans into a cause for conflict or transforming moments of celebration (such as opening gifts) into small spectacles of tension.
Therefore, Christmas is, deep down, an emotional amplifier. It doesn’t make us better or worse but more visible. Who is warm intensifies and who is strategic too. Those who feel vulnerable can live these dates with distance; Those who seek recognition find it in social rituals. Accepting this emotional diversity not only makes it easier to live with our “Grinchs”: it also reminds us that kindness (real kindness) is not forced or programmed.
