Unemployment, immigration and family interference are some of the challenges to overcome in order to maintain unions
Days ago I came across news from friends informing me that their married days had come to an end. After this, a colleague, Kayra Ulloa, contacted me with the speaker and writer Salvador Gómez, an expert in matrimonial matters, a moment I took advantage of to send him some questions and concerns about the subject.
In the first instance, the conversation revolved around the consolidation of a marriage and to explain it, he used six words: maintain a stable, permanent and faithful relationship.
“When two people want to consolidate their relationship, fidelity is important, it means telling the other: no one can take your place, I am always with you. That certainty that you are going to be accompanied, that you are not going to be replaced and that it is something permanent, helps you to consolidate that relationship until the end, “said Gómez.
So, what are those ingredients that couples need today to maintain their union? At this point, the expert says that the first thing that is needed is friendship, since before being married they have to be friends who share interests, fun, joy, feel the same sensation in aspects that make you laugh or cry.
Marriage “is that sexual intimacy where both are satisfied, it does not consist of the number of relationships; it is the dialogue, to agree, but that both feel pleased. In addition to this, the coverage of the other basic needs is added when the other feels protected, accompanied, provided for; All this helps the marriage to develop in a prosperous way”.
According to Gómez, prayer is important in couples, since marriage is not only a union of the body, minds, feelings, money, fun or hobbies; it is the most intimate connection of the deep core of the human being that is the spirit or what it means to commune in the same faith, hope and love.
I ask him if he thinks divorces are going to win the battle over marriages, to which he replies “no, because the number of divorces will always be less than the number of marriages. If there is a divorce it is because there has been a marriage before and not all marriages end in divorce.
About the reasons why there are divorces, Gómez indicates that marriages end because they did not have good foundations or they did not know each other; people are not disappointed by the other person, but by the expectations they had; it is believing that the other will satisfy all your needs and happiness does not consist in what the other does, it is a personal attitude with which you face life.
“There is a divorce because the other does not feel their expectations are fulfilled, but it is not the other who failed you, it was your aspirations that failed you. It is that immaturity with which we want to establish relationships, that is why there is divorce, because we are no longer capable of having resilience, of being able to overcome that crisis, move forward and grow, otherwise we always say let’s separate.
Currently, the greatest challenges that couples face are: unemployment, immigration, family interference, the culture of pleasure in which they live and the lack of spirituality.
“An enormous challenge is that existential emptiness, that I have no meaning in my life, nobody loves me, I have no goals; that does not depend on the couple, it depends on you, but it is a challenge that you must learn to overcome”.
The expert says that for there to be a happy marriage there must be two satisfied people, since happiness is something personal, it is having the attitude that life has meaning, is full and joins with another person to share that joy that you have. .
Encourage couples to share common interests, not just financial ones or basic needs. It is about having fun together, dancing, walking, watching movies, going for a walk, exercising and having hobbies that are shared.
“A couple that has satisfactory sexual intimacy is fulfilled, even physically they look better. Two or three sexual relations a week make them appear ten years younger than their age, because sex is healing, it is a source of joy, of pleasure”.
He ends by saying that there is nothing better to help personal happiness and that of the couple than to feel useful, to do something for others, to think of a project together to serve the community, the family or their place of congregation.
