Most people don’t go into a relationship without noticing that something doesn’t fit. In fact, in psychological consultations it is common to hear phrases like “I felt that something was wrong, but I didn’t know how to explain it.” This diffuse sensation is usually the first warning: a red flag.
The problem, explains couples therapist Julio Sánchez Medina, is not not seeing them, but decide to ignore themespecially during the falling in love stage.
The psychologist, who was interviewed on La Nota 95.7 FM, adds that at that time, many people justify inappropriate behavior thinking that “it is something temporary” or that “over time it will change.” However, this is one of the most harmful beliefs in relationships.
Furthermore, he maintains that paradoxically, the initial phase is when people usually show their best version. Therefore, when aggressive, inconsiderate or controlling behaviors appear in the first months, far from being minimized, they should be observed more closely.
“People almost always see red flags,” says the therapist. “What happens is that she decides to ignore them because she wants the relationship to work or because she is afraid of being alone.”
Medina explains that this internal discomfort serves a function of emotional survival. “It is a sense of alert that tells us: there is something dangerous for me here. When we cancel it, we are not being empathetic with the other, we are being unfair to ourselves.”
Ignoring red flags is not an act of love, but rather self-annulment. Listening to that discomfort does not force you to end a relationship, but it does allow you to establish limits and make more conscious decisions.
