Let’s imagine a very common situation. Two people walking quickly pass each other on the street. They can be friends, co-workers or acquaintances. One of them greets with a “hey, how are you?” or “how are you doing?” Automatically, the other responds: “Let’s keep going” or “let’s go, it’s not enough.” Shortly after, everyone continues on their own. The brief meeting is marked from the beginning by systematic complaints.
In the 21st century, developed societies accept this type of attitude as a routine form of social interaction. In fact, it is quite common to hear complaints about traffic, weather, work or financial difficulties. For many, it is something harmless and even therapeutic, because it serves as an emotional outlet.
However, chronic regret has been shown to have a significant impact on the emotional, mental, and even physical health of both those who complain and those on the receiving end of regretful comments.
An everyday phenomenon
Here we will address the repeated expression of dissatisfaction, frustration or discomfort due to situations perceived as negative. It is about an almost universal phenomenon that can be extrapolated to family, work and social contexts. Far from a catastrophic view, occasional complaining is a normal part of the human experience. Emotional and physiological wear and tear occur when this negative mood invades our daily routines.
But why do we complain so much? Some experts consider it to act as a coping mechanism through which we release tension or seek validation. Specifically, has been observed That by complaining we seek approval of our opinion or perception, as if it were a loop.
Up to this point, it works as a presentation strategy before our social group; It is an adaptive function of the human being.
The problem is when it becomes chronic and extends to numerous contexts. It is a situation that worsens with the use and abuse of social networkswhere it is common for influencers in younger populations to dedicate much of their content to ranting about this and that as a strategy to attract followers or to create debate and exchange of comments.
Impact on the brain and mental health
Although it is a pioneering field of research and requires more studies, neuroscience has already delved into the etiology and consequences of the complaint.
Various investigations have confirmed that the human brain is designed to identify threats and problems, which explains why it is so easy to focus on the negative and why some people tend to complain more than others. This is an evolutionary mechanism with a protective origin: the brain tends to focus on the negative because it allowed it to face real danger thousands of years ago and increased its chances of survival.
This effect, called negativity biascan become counterproductive in the modern environment, since continually focusing on the bad can alter the way people see the world and thus promote new interactions such as those based on complaint.
Some studies point out that the act of regret can cause structural changes in the brain that, in turn, lead to problems with problem solving and cognitive function. This means that complainers may see functions such as problem-solving, decision-making or planning diminished. This creates even more frustration and, consequently, more complaints.
Besides, has been observed that daily complaints correlate with anxious-depressive symptomatology. Specifically, with intrusive thoughts, rumination, low self-esteem, tiredness and mental fatigue. Therefore, individuals who do not stop complaining about everything tend to be more pessimistic and less resilient in the face of adversity.
Strategies to change attitude
Below we explain some of the most recommended forms of interaction and coping in psychological consultation:
1. Practice gratitude. Focusing attention on the moment with the focus on what we have promotes gratitude. Recording things we can feel grateful for in a journal helps shift perspective.
2. Look for solutions. Making, for example, a list of possible actions to improve a situation gives us a feeling of control and reduces frustration.
3. Pay attention to our words. Psychoneurolinguistics teaches us that being aware of the language we use and modifying it to be more positive or neutral can help us change our thinking pattern.
4. Establish boundaries with others. This is a protection mechanism. It means, for example, avoiding conversations that focus too much on the negative or proposing a more constructive approach to problems.
Without a doubt, being aware of the unhealthy habit of complaining relentlessly and trying to change it is essential to improve the quality of life. It is an objective that is part of the personal growth of each individual and that can be reinforced with the support of psychological therapy.
Before you complain again, consider the cerebral, emotional and social effects that come with it. And remember: the complaint is not negative if it does not become chronic. We are not perfect, we are human.
