Even before becoming an adult, administrator Marinildes Queiroz, 56, had a dream of adopting a child. After being adopted herself at the age of 4, the resident of São Paulo managed, in 2016, to adopt by herself two brothers who, at the time, were 5 and 7 years old.
The process began with a trip to the forum, interviews with a social worker and psychologist, and formal entry into the adoption queue. After a year and a half, Marinildes was called to meet the children and continued the process, including close-up visits.
“In late adoption, children, when they are adopted, in the first few months, are tested. They test you to the maximum limit, which is to make sure that there is a safe place, that this is their place and that there will not be a second abandonment”, explained Marinildes.
She warns that the expectation of gratitude on the part of the child should not be a motivating factor for adoption. “If you expect to adopt so that the other is eternally grateful because you gave family, home, love, affection, this is not the way. Relationship is construction, made of trust, security, support, care, attention”.
Public servant Sílvia*, 47, after having her tubes removed, went through the fertilization process in vitro, but could not get pregnant. She felt that her partner at the time insisted that the child was biological. Faced with the situation, the resident of Brasília separated and opted for single-parent adoption.
“I went to therapy and said: ‘I want to be a mother, but it doesn’t have to come out of my belly’. If I adopt, I will be just as happy,” she said. “They make it clear that they are looking for families for children, not children for families. And they also show the statistics. People say a lot, ‘There are so many children there to be adopted’ and it’s not quite like that”, he added.
Sílvia started the adoption process in 2016 and, in June 2021, she received the call informing her that there was a child – a boy about 2 and a half years old. After the visits, she was given temporary custody and then indefinite custody.
“He says, ‘Mom won’t work. Mom has to wait.’ He is still insecure. The issue of abandonment, although he went to a baby shelter, I think it is still very strong in him. So I always say: ‘Mom will always come back. Mom comes back,’” he said.
advances
Single-parent adoption – when a single adult adopts a child or teenager – has become better understood over time, as judged by Judge Iberê de Castro Dias, from the General Corregedoria of Justice for Childhood and Youth Affairs.
“There is no difference in rules between single or two-parent adoptions. It doesn’t matter if the adoption is carried out by a single man, by a single woman, by a straight couple or by a same-sex couple. The rules are strictly the same, the deadlines are strictly the same. The procedures to be followed are always the same,” she explained.
“Especially in Brazil, which has a considerable number of biological single-parent families – because it is not uncommon for men to shirk their responsibilities as fathers – because of this perception that this was how a good part of Brazilian families was constituted that happened. to accept single-parent adoption with peace of mind.”
According to Dias, society is beginning to understand that the reception of a child or adolescent by a single person does not bring any inconvenience in advance for the host. “What we need, in any case, is to understand that, if that person or that couple who presents themselves to adopt can meet the needs for the healthy development of that child, they are welcomed.”
*Fictitious name. The person did not want to be identified because the custody process is not yet completed.
