Once, she endured a man calling her off a date fifteen times in a row. He paid the entire rent on her own. She endured all kinds of humiliation and mistreatment from the men she liked. She admits that she was “a creep, a needy, a slug.”
But one day, Lorena Bassani realized that the problem was not men, but her self-esteem problems and your choices. Y decided to start a healing path that included all the therapies available and for having to get to know herself.
15 years later, the “slug” became a butterfly and lives in Pinamar by choice. He has 115,000 followers on his Instagram account @lorenabassani, who await your posts because they do them good. The vast majority are women. And the basic problem is disagreement with men.
The question is why do so many women need another woman to remind them of their worth? and that they don’t have to put up with anything to be in a relationship.
It’s not you I am
Lorena hates the concept of guilt, but she works a lot with the concept of responsibility. He believes that in our love and sexual choices a primal wound is at stake that as long as it does not heal, it will lead the subject to choose people who seem different, but who respond to the same pattern.
Her theory is not new: it is the basis of psychoanalysis, but she complemented that knowledge with biodecoding therapies, shamanism, family constellations, past life therapy, cellular memory and continues to do three or four therapies a week to stay “on axis”. For her and to be able to teach her self-awareness workshops with moral authority in which she helps women especially in their problems with men and the difficulty they find in putting a limit on the other.
But Lorena takes them from the other to themselves.
-What is self-esteem for you and why do you prefer that concept to self-esteem?
–Self-love, as I understand it, is not just giving yourself a spa day or doing intermittent fasting and drinking two liters of water a day. That is very good, but what I understand as self-love is that human beings take responsibility for our lives. We are not understanding how this love thing works and that our thoughts can be trained like our bodies.
-And how do the wounds of the past play?
-Many times the girls tell me “I can’t live without him, I suffer because he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t look for me, he rejects me” and in reality he never hurts us: it hurts us, our wounds hurt us, our limiting beliefs that prevent us from healing .
“Many times they tell me ‘I can’t live without him, I suffer because he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t look for me, he rejects me and in reality he never hurts us: he hurts us, our wounds hurt us, our limiting beliefs that prevent us from healing”Lorraine Bassani
What is a limiting belief and how is it treated?
-The limiting beliefs are built on the basis of childhood wounds and are basically treated by going to the past to understand where and when they originated. When we find those scenes from the past, the job is to understand them from the perspective of an adult and not from that of a child, remove the emotionality and rewrite the scene.
I give you an example. A girl I attended arrived with the problem that no one registered her, that the men left her on “seen”. We look for the first moment where she did not feel seen and it was when she was eight years old. She had drawn a little drawing for her father, her doctor, who came home from work and didn’t pay attention to her, she told him that at that moment she couldn’t. Her father over there had just done four open-heart operations, but in her head it was “Dad left me on sight.” That gave him an emotionality that began to create a reality: “No man registers me.” That belief can be changed because if not, you will go through life looking for men who do not register you.
“That’s why I say that the other is just a poor asshole who plays a role in a play so that you realize the wounds you have inside and you can heal” she says with the humor that characterizes her.
-What role does the patriarchy play, in your view, in that some women tend to put up with things that should not be put up with more than men?
-The patriarchy and the childhood we had exist and there is a collective and an individual unconscious about both things.
We have to clean, we have to be aware of our unconscious, that’s how psychoanalysis works, but Freud should have included the multidimensional perspective that man has, now we have a perspective on past lives, the transgenerational. We are not just mom and dad, they come with a lineage.
You have to stop the ball and understand what I’m living is my own movie and what is a fart remake of my transgenerational life. If I’m living it, I cut it there and start another script.
man’s work
For Lorena, the task of women is complex, but only one: heal wounds. Instead, she believes that men have to “connect the brain with the heart” first.
-Why do you think they have it disconnected?
-Because that’s how they were dominated, a person not connected with their emotions is broken. They were disconnected for the purpose of submission. What man connected to his emotions would have gone to war?
We have to heal, they have to connect. What has to happen with the masculine and feminine energies is that they integrate.
Going on dates, that job interview
Bassani is convinced that the first mistake when going on a date is to think about seducing the other or the other. She says that she was one of those who threw “the whole closet on top”.
“My wounded girl painted herself like a door tired of rejection because she believed that they were not going to love me as I was. And she set up a character,” she says. And she believes that on dates you have to go to make friends with the other or the other.
“What happens if the other does the same thing is that the characters who are afraid and not the loving people that we are relate to each other. We start from the wound.”
-When do you prove your thesis that the other who makes us suffer is a character who plays a role?
-All time. I once had a girl who told me “I can’t live without him”. I asked him what his name was and he couldn’t remember the name. It didn’t even matter what his name was because he was much more than a name, he was a dependency figure.
There are women obsessed with the idea of having a child and they don’t know why and when you ask them why they tell you that someone loves them. I tell them: “Buy a dog.”
-What happens with the expectation that the other will change?
-When one expects the other to change it is because they are not looking at each other, you have to change yourself. You are throwing the ball out. Today the exhaust pipe of the car is losing me and what I think is that it is happening to me emotionally so that the pipe loses me. Imagine if I ran into an idiot how responsible I would feel. The other is a perfect thermometer of my state of consciousness. I now meet wonderful men.
“Going back to self-esteem, I believe that loving oneself is becoming a specialist in oneself. I am a specialist in Lorena Bassani.”
“The other is a perfect thermometer of my state of consciousness. Now I meet wonderful men”Lorraine Bassani
