A child must grow up in a healthy environment, surrounded by love and in safe conditions, regardless of whether the parents continue together or decide to separate. Teach them that despite the separation, love for them will not change, it will help them to be good people and provide what they received in their childhood.
Children in their first years of life and as they grow older, have a tremendous need for love and approval from their parents, since part of some of the mental problems in adults is the withdrawal of love or unexpressed love, he explained. in contact with our environment the psychologist Paola Zapata.
In this context, he indicated that the formation of the child’s personality is based on the quality and quantity of love that they can receive from their parents.
“Many parents were victims of their parents, in some way we are victims of victims, since many wanted to raise in the best way but did not know how,” the professional mentioned.
For a child to be happy, three conditions must exist:
1. Parents must love themselves.
Children will never be able to give love to others if they do not feel it and much less will they be able to express it in the future to their children, because if they have little self-esteem they will be absorbed by their partners and sometimes as much as they want to love their children, they will not be able to because they will not have love to give him.
This is because they never received that deep affection as children and, consequently, it makes it difficult for them to offer what they never had.
2. Parents must love each other
For the child to grow in confidence, feel loved and safe, he must grow up in an environment where parents love each other. There is nothing that scares a child more than growing up in an environment where there is fighting.
In these cases the little ones become victims, since they naively believe that because mom and dad fight it is their fault.
If there is a divorce of the parents, it is important that the parent in charge of the child explains that the breakup has nothing to do with him but that it is their problem.
This must be mentioned over and over again so that the child is convinced of this, since it is much better for him to grow up with a father who loves him, before he grows up with two parents who do not love each other.
3. The father must love the child
This seems very obvious and very logical, but it is possible that there are parents who do not love their children, not because they do not try, but mutual, internal conflicts and unresolved problems with their parents, are the barriers.
One of the ways to be able to love a child is to spend a great quality and quantity of time with him. They consider themselves valuable and important to their parents depending on the quality and time they spend together.
If the most important people in their lives only ‘spend little time with them’, children conclude that the reason is because they have many flaws and that there is something wrong with them.
Children have a much higher emotional degree than the rational, that is why they interpret the emotional more, which means that ‘if my father is here, he loves me’ and if he does not spend time with me, dad or mom do not love me.
If these conditions did not exist, the child will grow up with the conjunction of destructive criticism called “guilt”.
what is guilt
It is a feeling of not being worth much or nothing, that we have when important people criticize us and point at us. In this case, it would be the parents and, simultaneously, they do not give the love that their children need.
“We feel that we are not worth much or that we are not worth anything and that leads us to lack of merit, which is one of the main problems in the couple, psychosomatic and mental illnesses. It is the source of the biggest problem that affects our society”, pointed out the professional.
